I've been putting up a joke blog every?Monday on my Scottish Teabag Society Myspace ?site. Thought you guys would like it too. I usually come up with something and other readers contribute to it, makes it more fun I think.

I was having one super crappy Monday last week and made a cry for jokes to prop me up. You guys went the mile for me and probably saved my life lol.

?Sue > Bono, the lead singer of the band U2,is famous for being a little self-righteous.
>
> At a recent U2 concert in Glasgow, Scotland, he
> asked the audience for total
> quiet.??Then, in the silence, he started to slowly
> clap his hands, once every few seconds.
>
> Holding the audience in total silence, he said into
> the microphone,
>
> "Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa
> dies."
>
> A voice with a broad Scottish accent, from the front
> of the crowd, pierces
> the quiet ............?
> *
> *
> *
> "Well, foockin' stop doin' it then!"

?The Tea Geek

?THE BIG DAVE a scotsman walks into a bar in cuba,goes up to the bartender and orders a drink. a few minutes later a cuban walks in, orders a drink downs it and walks to the door. the bartender says "hey ya goin to pay for that?" the cuban turns to the bar and strokes his beard and says"castro's army" and walks out the door. another minute later another cuban walks in, orders a drink,drinks it and walks to the door. the bartender says "hey ya goin to pay for that?" the cuban turns to the bar, strokes his beard and says"castro's army" and walks out the door. by this time the scotsman is amazed that these guys have gotten away with this so he says to himself "i am going to try it". so the scotsman drinks one more,gets up, goes to the door and the bartender says "hey ya goin to pay for that" the scotsman turns and says "castro's army". the bartender says" that can't be,where's your beard". the scotsman lifts his kilt and says "secret service""!

?~KILKA ~ A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat. This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. The man seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested.

The case came up in court. The judge asked the man (about 20 years old) what he had to say for himself.


The man replied, "Well your Honor, it was like this: When the lady got on the bus, I couldn't help but notice her condition. She sat down under a sign that said, 'The Double Mint Twins are Coming' and I grinned." "Then she moved and sat under a sign that said, 'Logan's Liniment will reduce the swelling', and I had to smile." "Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said, "William's Big Stick Did the Trick", and I could hardly contain myself. ""BUT, your Honor, when She moved the fourth time and sat under a sign that said, 'Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident'... I just lost it."

"CASE DISMISSED!!"

?Uther Dr MacGregor checked over his patient and said with a puzzled frown, "I can't really tell what the trouble is. I think it must be due to drink." Willie said, understandingly, "Ach, that's all right doctor. I'll come back when you're sober."

"Alcohol is your trouble," said the sheriff to the drunk. "Alcohol alone is responsible for your present predicament." The drunk looked pleased as he said "Yer lairdship's maist kind. A'body else says it's ma ain fault!"

?Paula An Englishman, Welshman & Scotsman standing at a bus stop when they find a genies lamp, the Englishman rubs it - the genie appears & says "As there are three of you I will grant you just one wish each"

The Englishman says "I wish to build a 250foot high brick wall all the way around England so no-one other than English can get in"

The Welshman say says "I wish for crops to grow successfully in Wales forever"

The Scotsman say's "See that big brick wall you built, fancy filling it with water"

Come get your Celt on! The Saline Celtic Festival is coming up, it's a unique blend of Highland Games, Celtic Music Festival and Living History including a Viking Villige, Scottish Living History Groups and the SCA. It's actually one of my favorite festivals. This is their promo video. Here is their website for more info Clicky Clicky I have a blog up with video from last years festival and their promo videoYes, clicky clicky again Please copy and repost this as a bulletion to your friends, it's a great festival and it needs our support. Thank you